First dates. That inaugural hurdle. As the social anxiety clouds our judgement we can say and do some astoundingly stupid things. It’s only natural. We asked some friends, coworkers and strangers what their single most embarrassing date consisted of. Here’s six of our favorites. The Schadenfreude is strong in this one..
SEAN / 24
My first date I ever went on was disastrous. Between the inexperience and the nerves I had very little to say so she did most of the talking. She mentioned a cat that had recently died and for some reason my brain just wouldn’t let that go so I started talking about all my dead pets. When I ran out of real pets I began inventing them. I felt like she was dangerously close to to my web of lies so I made myself tear up to lend the story some authenticity. It backfired horrendously. My friends never let me forget that one. You’re not going to print this are you?
SIMON / 28
We went to a restaurant. We’d walked around town for a bit deciding where to eat so at this point I’m starving. I need to eat. We settle on this bistro, sit down and I order a steak. The food comes out, I go to grab my knife and fork but they’re not there. The server has already walked off by this point so I just picked up the slab of meat with my hands and tear a chunk off with my teeth. I thought she’d find it funny. She didn’t. I figure since there’s no going back from this I continued devouring the steak like a hungry dog. Embarrassing? Yes. Worth it? Totally. I felt like Ron Swanson.
HELLO MY NAME IS
JULES / 26
“I went on two dates with this older man which went pretty successfully. On the third he asked me what my name was and then tried to guess. Turns out he’d saved me in his phone as Brunette #2.”
LUISE / 25
While I was at University I had a guy I was just starting to see over to my room to watch a movie. He started telling me about how he works for his dad’s company during the summertime. He commandeered the laptop and wanted to show me the company website because he helped design it and wanted to show off a little. When he started typing the address in, it popped up automatically because, of course, I’d been googling him and knew all about it. What’s most embarrassing is that the whole time he was telling me his story, I was pretending I knew nothing. He just said, “oh, that’s odd” I said “uh..yeah…” Cue awkward silence.. It didn’t work out, and I haven’t seen that guy in years, but I still cringe inwardly whenever I think about it.
NO SPARK WITH TINDER
HARRY / 26
“Went on a Tinder date. There was nothing. No chemistry, strained conversation. When it was time to leave he got up, snapped his fingers, winked and said ‘thanks for swiping right.’”
CLASSIC BLITZ PLAY
SEAN (AGAIN) / 24
There’s another one I can remember. I punched my date in the face. Not on purpose. I was doing that move. You know the yawn and stretch. I did it with a bit too much enthusiasm and caught her nose, there was so much blood. She ran to the toilet and never came back. She never replied to my text. I understand completely.