How to Date German Men
You might think that you have the entire dating scene figured out, but if you’ve ever dated German men you know that they’re just about the toughest nationality to read romantically. Don’t take us too seriously, we know individual differences overshadow cultural identity! At Ohlala, as a team of North Americans and Germans working side-by-side we thought we’d give you a few tongue-in-cheek insights on how to happily coincide.
1. Let’s Call It Thrifty…
‘Mom – is that you?’ is the first thought you might have when your German date whips out a coupon booklet full of date ideas in your city. Look again at that super trendy cover page, and consider what’s actually wrong with saving a few bucks on one date activity to be able to enjoy another afterwards anyway? Yup, it might seem silly but German efficiency can really pay off.
2. Can’t Handle the Heat?
Usually cool, calm and collected when in the kitchen, if you tell German men that they might be doing something wrong in the kitchen, they begin to sweat. So it’s really just what effect you’re going for. If you want to get your date’s adrenaline levels up, then go for it! They might enjoy your ability to flirtatiously get them on their toes.
3. The Grass is Always Greener…
Seriously though, don’t step in the flower beds of a garden, don’t cross the bike lane path, and never cross the street without a green light. If you do, you might just get your German date gently saying ‘pfui’ under their breath.
4. But Her Clothes…
You may have the hottest bod, the face of an angel and the heart of a saint, but if your shirt or pants have got kinks, wrinkles or stray strings you’re not fit to leave the house, let alone be on a date! Expect a few scoffing remarks, but definitely not a call back after this one. That even goes for vintage fashion trends so you better start planning out your wardrobe accordingly – like now.
5. Tone Down the “USA” Chants
Understandably, nationalism is a touchy subject in Germany, even waving the flag at a beloved football match is a topic of controversy. ‘Even now in 2016, Angela Merkel is only liked by half of the country’ details one German when talking about pride in one of the world’s strongest economies. We know politics and nationalism go hand-in-hand in the United States, but try to keep your opinions a little more PC if you don’t want to scare away your date.
6. Don’t Be Late
It happens. Most girls run at least fifteen minutes late, give or take another fifteen depending on how our hair behaves, picking out the perfect outfit, traffic, and miscellaneous distractions in between. There is no margin of error when planning for German men. Tardiness is a weakness. Luckily the sentiment is so strong that it can be a topic to laugh at. Even Germans can be self-mocking, sometimes. It’s just lucky that you’re on a date and not a job interview!
7. Slow & Steady
Do not expect too much romantic heat, after a day, a week, a month… but it might just finally happen after a year. German men are slow to warm up. Sigmund Freud might have been Austrian but, the psychological idea of a critical distance is what Germans have borrowed and apply to their romantic habits. Knowing that, just don’t take it personally if you don’t receive text messages after a super successful date, and don’t force them to show affection either. However, you can look forward to stronger sparks from him in the future.
8. Utensiltopia…
The opposite experience of going to a Chinese restaurant where you learn to your relief, no, you don’t need to eat soup with chopsticks, Germans use utensils for everything. Thought you could casually enjoy that slice of street pizza? Wrong! Your German date, might see you starting to enjoy it by hand, and give it an awkward shot – after all, Germans are not the authority on how to eat Italian food – but if they don’t see anyone else going at it with a fork and knife, they’ll bashfully make the switch. You’re best bet is to beat them to it.
Did we miss anything? Let us know in the comments.
