Awakening

 

 

Susanna knows her usual procedures very well. She gets up, goes to the bathroom, then takes a shower and puts on her bathrobe. She strolls into the kitchen, and begins to prepare the school sandwiches for the children. She likes to finish things just to start all over again. She likes to feel that she has everything under control, routine processes, her own creation, even though many moments seem banal to her, as if she were going round in circles, as if her life was already etched in stone. She goes out on the street to the mailbox, like every morning. She fetches the newspaper, greets the neighbor and treats herself to a sip of Darjeeling tea. She marks the most interesting topics with a neon colored pen to give her husband more time. So he can easily flip through the highlights, talk to the children and then, like every day, say goodbye to his wife with a fleeting kiss.

Everyone has left the house and Susanna sits down again at the kitchen table to drink the second last sip of her tea and dumps the rest into the sink. Then she heads back to the bathroom and takes a look in the mirror. Several years have passed and this week, just like all the others before, would follow a precise plan. There were no more surprises, somehow they settled into their lives after getting married 20 years ago. From the first second she fell in love with Alex. He had this awesome charisma, the severity, the self-confidence of a handsome young man who had the world at his feet. She remembers uninhibited sex scenes, perfect desire. When was the last time they really looked at each other, noticed each other? When was the last time he passionately overwhelmed her, like before, without question, without consent? Susanna loved his dominant attitude, she always just wanted to be a wife and fulfill a role. Having children, running the household, taking care of the garden, being a lover and mother at the same time. She felt wanted, Alex loved her submissive attitude, he was the perfect counterpart to her orchestration. She looks into blurred eyes and feels a certain longing in her lower belly, a tingling sensation that only comes up against this habitual rut with uneasiness. It is this inner restlessness that always reminds her of unrestrainedly surrendering to her desire to give up control, as at the beginning of a promising liaison.

 

Mondays and Wednesdays at 1pm are Susanna’s favorite times, she visits the local public indoor swimming pool, as on this cloudy Monday noon when people just like her take their daily routine into their hands again to work off their usual list.┬áThe water makes her soft, she feels completely free in this state. She was a talented swimmer and she remembers how Alex cheered from the edge of the pool at her tournaments. Then he sneaked secretly to the showers of the ladies’ dressing room. He got on his knees in front of Susanna to show his sense of honor. He pushed her swimsuit aside and let his fingers slide under it. He licked her vulva and stuck his tongue deep inside her. He circled his mouth over her soft fluff. After he had brought her to climax, he looked contentedly at her swollen labia and tenderly slipped the swimsuit back. He was proud of her.

Susanna feels how this intense restlessness, her inner turmoil becomes louder and louder after all these years of renunciation, after all these years of unsatisfactory sex scenes, monotony, what should she expect after all these years, she thinks to herself. After she routinely swims her 12 laps, Susanna goes directly to the small Finnish sauna. Before that she fetches a towel and a pillow for her eyes. Most of the time she is all alone in the sauna, but sometimes she hears the door open and a person join her. In these moments she enjoys to see nothing, to not know of anything, giving herself up to her fantasies entirely. Her skin and her intuition are perceptibly electrifying. She touches her sweat-bathed thighs as the familiar chlorine smell flows through her nostrils. She caresses her full, round breasts covered with goosebumps and then benevolently indulges in her daydreams. Mostly she imagines how many hands explore her body, how several fingers gently slide in and out of all her openings, how she sensually streches, how she comes, how she squirts and the sweat unites with her juices. Susanna is half asleep when she notices the click of the door and knows she is no longer alone. Her ears are listening to the sizzle of steam on the hot stones and she notices how heat is taking over more and more of her body. She enjoys keeping her eyes closed just to guess who is sitting under her on the wooden bench and how this person is looking at her divine body.

 

For a brief moment Susanna holds her breath as a hand rests on her knee and slowly wanders upwards to make its way between her thighs. Its fingers are very soft and wet, just as wet as her sweat covered body, which mixes with the sweetness of her erection. Then a finger slowly slides into her and she opens her lips. The other hand spreads her thigh wide and lets her glide weightlessly onto the wood of the Finnish sauna. Then another finger plays around her anus and a thumb presses on her clitoris. Her clitoris is massaged skillfully and with circular movements, while two more fingers push wildly into her. The finger which is in her bottom, is very cautious and pushes itself carefully forwards and backwards. Susanna is overwhelmed by this interplay of small delicate and at the same time deliberately rough touches around her sex, so that she begins to flinch unconsciously with excitement and freezes with her back arched. Three fingers in her vagina, one finger in her bottom and one on her clitoris. She can’t stand the heat and the variety of stimulation any further and collapses moaning loudly. She has splashed her climax on the towel, a small puddle has formed around her buttocks. Susanna has come fiercely, she has forgotten everything around her. Exhausted, she takes down the blindfold and looks into contented eyes. She hasn’t let herself go like this for a long time and felt so wonderful.