His reminiscence




He felt trapped. For several months he was overcome by severe abdominal pain accompanied by resignation and paralysis. As much as he wanted to satisfy his wife, he couldn’t do it anymore. His body went on strike and his mind refused any thoughts of intimacy. For him it was a known, yet terrible condition that often visited him from the past. He did not know how to help himself better than to end his relationships after the expiration date in order to start new ones. Five years was his maximum, yet with Laura he dared to step before the altar and hoped for some consistency. But routine poisoned everyday life and fantasies died out in the common mourning bed.

When he loved, he loved passionately. When he loved then he wanted more than exchanging hot kisses at sunset, he wanted more than digging his tongue deep into his wife’s sex. For a few years he could keep up this passion. Only by observing Laura, he was constantly overwhelmed by the desire to eat her alive. He bit into her flesh, sucked her blood and choked her tender neck until tears shot out of her eyes. Laura opened her arms wide. That was her proof of liveliness when wounds covered her skin for a few weeks. When her knees hurt and her thighs became soft. She liked the feeling of being used and being exhausted from the leftovers. Sometimes Laura wasn’t sure if her husband loved her or if he actually despised her. There was a change in his gaze when he looked at her body in ecstasy, when he moistened his fingers with spit and pushed them into her anus. Almost pejorative and yet full of lust, his eyebrows deformed into an angry expression. As if the demonic in its most dangerous form would collapse in a flush of blood all over her.


More than seven years have passed since they gave their word in devotion to each other and literally exposed themselves to the family in the small village church. He licked all over Lauras face as soon as the priest pronounced the liberating words: »You may now kiss the bride«. Laura, on the other hand, grabbed his cock and enjoyed the pure excitement of her newlyweds husband. Everyone could see it, it was as if she was lifting her veil, shocked faces were looking at a spear of naked skin that spoke to the gods like the candles on the holy altar. A horrified murmur went through the crowd and his father immediately left the parish without turning back. The priest finished the blessing and kicked them out of the church.


Seven years, he thought, as he tried to fill the void between the lines with these provocative memories, while watching Laura preparing herself in front of the bed for the day ahead. She pressed her breasts together and pushed her dress up to demonstrate that everything belongs to him and that she is still the same, but he resigned and turned away from her. He turned to the side and looked out of the window. He always ignored her longing to be touched and Laura left the shared bedroom with a heavy sigh. Then he started massaging his aching stomach with circular movements and sank into daydreams back to the place where he felt different for the first time.


When he was 15 years old, his class visited the youth hostel at Werbeliner See. The hostel’s square reminded of a large battlefield of hundreds of pubescent teenagers who wanted to enjoy the summer to the fullest with other schoolmates from all over the world. They gathered here year after year. The dining room with its employees always served the same meals, only the faces in front of them changed. He has always been something special. His figure resembled of a dancer, he was taller than the other boys his age and he was accompanied by a smooth elegance in all his movements. He was popular with both, girls and boys. Everyone wanted to adorn themselves with him and everyone tried to win his attention. It was almost impossible to please everyone and especially at this time, in the summer of 1990, when the gates opened to the world, he became aware that this would determine his life. Girls giggled as they passed by, their heads shamefacedly bowed to the ground. Boys struggled with their own self-confidence and at the same time found the challenge to keep up with him. The aura that surrounded him changed the people and thus also him. No matter what he said, it went down well, no matter what he did, it was never wrong, which changed his charisma in the later course of his life. He seemed arrogant, almost megalomaniac. He could take what he wanted without losing his head.


On that special day on the shore of the youth hostel, when he was looking for a little rest, Andrew, a boy from Ireland who tried to finish his sentences with a broken German, joined him. And indeed, they had a wavelength that could never do justice to a language. They understood each other unspoken and just as he took a puff from his cigarette and looking melancholically at the lake, Andrew touched his face, turned it to him and looked lasciviously as the smoke slowly exited his lips. He dropped the cigarette into the water and lay back on the dock. Both lay on the footbridge to the shore at Werbeliner See and looked up into the sky, where the clouds passed by insignificantly. Then he closed his eyes and felt how Andrew started to caress him. He allowed it to happen. It was the first touch of another man that shook him and at the same time brought him closer to a state he enjoyed.


His cock pressed like a spear against the texture of his jeans. He opened the fly to free him and receive more touches from Andrew. He liked the sound of Andrew moistening his fingers with spit to stimulate his cock. With these beautiful long fingers he changed the rhythm and pressure. Then he kissed his wet glans with such devotion that he couldn’t help but open his eyes again to watch Andrew doing it. He looked at the lake and the leaves of the trees on the horizon, moving softly from one side to the other. He looked at Andrew’s red curly hair and on his lean arms, which were littered with freckles. He looked at his own hands how he gently caressed the redhead and how his cock disappeared into Andrew’s greedy mouth. Andrew changed the tempo and circled his tongue almost animalistically around his throbbing limb. Besides, he stimulated his testicles with skillful dexterity and then shoved his thumb deep between his legs to his bottom. He looked at him smiling as his mouth shone in the sun covered in saliva and virgin ejaculate. With a hard thrust Andrew pressed his thumb into his anus, and the sperm shot out of his glans and poured all over Andrew’s smiling face.

He woke from his daydreams bathed in sweat and pressed his naked spear with a pillow, as if he wanted to strangle him. He thought of Andrew and was sure that this encounter, like all the others, would have reached an expiration date, if only he’d had more time.