»The term electronegativity should ring a bell. So what does that mean, Mr. Kruger?« In the lecture room, there is a murmur in the crowd as the glances circle around Lars, who is apparently not really present. »Hello Mr. Kruger?«, »Are you still there or what’s going on in your head?«, awakened by his name, Lars arrives in the room. »What was the question again?«, he hesitantly replies. »I’m just saying listening for once would help, why else would you sit here? Let’s continue.« The students glances return to the blackboard while the professor explains organic chemistry components. Lars lowers his head and tries to switch off his thoughts.
Determined and always straight ahead, that’s the plan. With 23 years of age, Lars has thought his future through and would do everything right, as his parents expect him to do. After the next semester he wants to go abroad, do research, do his doctorate and achieve something. He doesn’t have time for friendships and love. He is too focused, most students of his age have very different hobbies. Sometimes he feels alone, a bit too introverted, but he feels disconnected from like-minded people and the constant partying, he became aware of this very early on.
When he was about 10 years old, he occasionally sat on the terrace with his neighbor. His parents were often on the road and he appreciated the attention of Mrs. Liebing. He remembers how she sat on the deckchair in her summer dress and read him stories of »Werner Neumann«. Sometimes a gust of wind caught her summer dress and pushed it gently upwards. Then he wished to get closer to watch her thighs as the little hairs line up, touching her fingers with whom she is slowly pulling the dress down again. He could accurately capture all these hidden details and store them in his memory forever.
He liked Mrs. Liebing’s maternal manner, yet somehow they were at eye level. He did not know this feeling of loving care, mostly there were servants for it. In his diary he wrote about Mrs. Liebing. In his words you could recognize a special connection, she was his friend, who constantly reads to him while he falls asleep on her lap, as she gently strokes his blonde hair. Now he remembers those virgin moments that made him what he is today, shy, profound, unique, a scrawny man with only one goal in mind: Success!
Traditional dates were out of the question for him, there were always too many expectations, love that wanted to be fulfilled, and after these dates he felt strange and small. The conversations turned into silence, unease spread. Lars wanted to test his sexuality, through his introverted character he knew the unbridled feeling of deep longings, which were marked by imperfection. Imperfection, as he had only seen it in films before. After several disappointing experiences with conventional dating attempts, he ventured into a new beginning with paid dates. His parents support him anyway and money never mattered. He’d buy his fantasies.
On this hot summer day in July he makes an appointment with the 30-year-old Madeleine. Madeleine was a stewardess and knew how to seduce men. Beforehand, she sent him a few provocative pictures that boosted his anticipation. He was uncertain, had he made the right choice with his father’s suit, which was actually a bit too big for him, with the perfume, was it perhaps too much?
As he opens the door of the restaurant »Le Faubourg« on Kurfürstendamm, Madeleine is already sitting there. With a big smile she greets him and falls into his arms. »You look great, Boy, and you smell fantastic.«, she breathes in his ear while embracing him. She herself looks gorgeous, in this red carrier dress, better than the pictures that are still buzzing around in his head and there it is again this familiar insecurity that he can hardly discard.
They sit opposite each other and Lars hands Madeleine the envelope with 400€. Exactly as they discussed it. With a wink, she thanks him and takes his hand. He looks timidly into her dark eyes. »I have something for you too, Boy.« Madeleine gets a little closer and her hands disappear under the table. Lars looks around, there are only a few guests at the restaurant during lunchtime, but the waiter is within reach. Madeleine pulls her panties out from underneath the red dress and presents them right in the middle of the table. Lars blushes and hurriedly puts them in his pocket. »Are you excited, Boy?«, she asks him with a mischievous smile. Lars nods and waits for what happens next. He feels visibly uncomfortable in this environment, but somehow Madeleine manages to win him over. Space and time are forgotten.
The waiter comes and the tender mood between the two, which mainly consists of deep glances, is disturbed for a short moment. Madeleine takes the lead and orders a large bottle of water for both, no more and no less. When he disappears, she sits next to Lars. Again she takes his hand and puts it under her dress. The white tablecloth covers secret desires. »I want you to feel me.«, she breathes into his ear as she presses his right hand between her warm thighs. Lars touches her soft pubic hairs, her juicy labia.
He remembers the moment with Mrs. Liebing on the terrace, he closes his eyes. The smell of summer, the gust of wind, the dress that silently climbs up, he is exactly where he wanted to be.