Sex for people with disabilities
Fresh off the »Hurenkongress« I come with some new insights and inspirations, which I was already able to share with Pascal in our podcast and now also in written form with my article about »Sexual Companionship / Sex for People with Disabilities«. A special topic, about which not everyone is correctly informed and is nevertheless still a touchy subject to most.
Sexual assistance and sexual companionship:
Sexual assistance includes all measures that are used to be able to live sexuality if the persons concerned are dependent on the help of outsiders due to their physical or mental limitations. Sexual companionship as professional active sexual assistance is a paid sexual service. The practical contents of the sexual companionship are individually negotiated between sexual companions and their customers according to their needs, sexual intercourse is possible.
Sexual companion Deva Bhusha was a participant at the »Hurenkongress«. In previous interviews she already told about her everyday life with handicapped people and how our society deals with disabilities and sexuality. Fairly often sexual companionship is equated with regular prostitution. Deva herself is a member of the professional association of erotic and sexual services (BesD) and finds the work of all sex workers exciting, whether dominatrixes, bizarre ladies, escorts or even tantric masseurs. The fact that her type of therapy is often compared with prostitution does not bother her. She didn’t choose this profession to distinguish herself, rather than out of interest to get to know other aspects. So why is a form of sex work like this still stigmatized? Don’t you think disabled or elderly people in our society have the same right to physical closeness as everyone else? And what actually happens in a session with a sexual companion?
Sexual education has not even begun to confront the topic of people with disabilities. The sexuality of women and men with handicaps is still subject to a stigma caused by uncertainties and inhibited thoughts. Sexual companionship is not solely about mere sexual activities, but above all about affection, love and self-determination. Through the financial aspect, the job description quickly is thrown in the same box as »prostitution«, but of course it is about a service, which in general should be treated just like regular therapy sessions. The aim is to experience sexuality as an erotic experience. But the process of rethinking isn’t nearly done – just as with all other sexual services.
The job title »sexual companion« is not protected and in principle anyone can give themselves this title. However, there are already offerings in which this profession is confirmed by a certificate at the end of a well-founded training program. At the moment, neither health insurance funds nor the state cover the costs of sexual support for disabled people. In Germany, the advisory organization Pro Familia has been campaigning for years to clarify whether individual claims for financing of sexual assistance can be derived from health insurance funds, social assistance or other state service providers. According to experts, many men and women with disabilities wish for sexual services.
During the first session usually there’s a counseling interview between the client and the sexual companion. This conversation offers a good basis to get to know each other better and to be able to assess the needs of the respective person properly. The first session is followed by a second intimate session in which both bodies are being introduced to each other. A development of a level of physical well-being and relaxation follows. This is not about performance, but clearly about devoting oneself fully to the human body. Sexual intercourse can be an important component within the session, but is not essential. Every sexual companion has their very own methods to give affection, physical warmth and comfort. This aspect is often forgotten, considered the fact that every human being is a sexual being, with mutual needs of touching, affection and sexual interaction here and there. So why should a handicapped or elderly person live without it? A society in which such values have already lost color anyway. We all long to be touched and the feeling of intimacy & security.
Proper sex should be an experience and based on feelings – not on performance. I have nothing against porn – I personally love it – but sometimes they can convey the wrong message about sexuality, American sexual companion Kendra Holliday states in this context.
Self-love is an important quality and shouldn’t be overlooked. Only those who are at peace with themselves can pass this love on to other human beings with all its facets, no matter what optical or physical limitations are present. A sensitive job that asks for a high degree of empathy. But once you have decided on this profession, you will certainly have found the right path for yourself. For what could be more beautiful than helping people who are unable to help themselves, who feel isolated from society, providing sexual pleasure and comfort in a space of security with closeness and trust.