I love to travel and think back to my date in Istanbul with a sincere smile. I met Ilyas in Berlin before. After spending a very relaxed time and maintaining contact, Ilyas invited me to Istanbul. He wanted to show me his town. In the summer of last year, when the political situation was a little tense, I flew out to see him and was impressed by this wonderful city, which remained in my memory mainly because of its colors, traditional delicacies and a variety of street cats.


Twice before, I dared to take a trip abroad to a dating partner, with a clear conscience, to place myself in someone else’s hands while at the same time giving up a piece of my valuable independence. Both journeys were worth giving up this independence to dive into the world of other cultures. Once arrived in Istanbul, Ilyas was already waiting at the airport. He was the perfect gentleman and was happy to spend a long weekend with me. This date was not exclusively about sex, but about the exchange of current life content. Right after our first meeting we stayed in contact via E-mail. I understood him, despite his relationship status. He was married, had a kid and many obligations. As an international businessman, he was constantly on the move and aware of his responsibility as a father. The longing to meet another woman and spend a beautiful weekend with her liberated him from this daily, seemingly overwhelmed responsibility for a moment.

During this time and before then as well, I asked myself a lot of questions about a functioning, lasting relationship concept. I myself know only too well what it means to feel the desire for another, new sex partner after a certain time in a committed relationship. It is the usual stagnation in everyday life, thrown together from compromises, a jointly created habitat that always cries out for a break-up after a certain period of time.

Cheating or giving up the relationship, what do you choose? Talking, finding a way to share unspoken fantasies in the future would be an ideal solution, one might think. If it wasn’t for the dirty instinct of everyone which is usually hard to reconcile with the partner. This was at least always the answer I got from those who made a conscious decision to cheat. For example, it is not really easy for a man to live out his sinister desires with the woman at his side, who simply does not fit into this concept in the interaction with children and traditional values. I believe that it is indeed the case in most relationships and that very few people openly talk about their true sexual preferences.

In this case with Ilyas, however, it wasn’t about particularly exciting sexual tendencies that wanted to be fulfilled or those that you couldn’t share with your partner, but rather about decelerating. Feel light and free again, without the heaviness of responsibility, the constant thought, before you can finally calmly close your eyes, every night when you are lying in bed and wondering what’s in the cards for you. Ilyas chose me because he felt free, uncomplicated and relaxed with me.

I myself am still not even there with my ideas, I haven’t arrived yet. After five years of being single, you have settled in comfortably, compromises are difficult, especially if you are not prepared to make compromises. For me, there’s only 100% when I fall in love, then all the way. I want to feel it, think of someone, someone who complements me perfectly. Being alone is not difficult for me, if that certain something isn’t there, I do not start a relationship. But I also notice how all the encounters, all my dates, all the exciting sex adventures, let’s say, make me feel contemplative. In the meantime I became ready for something special, a partner, a man who belongs to me and with whom I can travel together.


The weekend with Ilyas in Istanbul was fantastic. On top of a great time we had profound conversations, topped with tender sex. He didn’t let me down, and I know he’s a good family man, a good husband. Sometimes it doesn’t take words to understand what’s going on in somebody. Sometimes it is enough to simply lie next to each other, to escape the everyday life for a moment, to create a second world, be it as fantasy or reality. I do not condemn those who cheat or those who cannot talk openly about their feelings. In this sense, everyone goes their own way and finds fulfillment in one way or another. Ilyas would never leave his wife, he loves his family more than anything, when I asked him what if his wife felt the exact same ambitions as him, his answer was: »I’d rather not imagine that.«